so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
