I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
