I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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