I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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