Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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