She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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