smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
