Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
