Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
