You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
