Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
