is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
