Screwed.edu
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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