Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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