so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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