Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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