I cockslap morals
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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