broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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