distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
