fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize