I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Small penises have feelings too.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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