thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
