those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
