i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
