I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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