Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
