Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
