The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
