You just made me feel so damn special
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
