I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
