You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
