and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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