the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
