then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
