so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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