i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
