I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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