he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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