My first STD was from a foam party
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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