If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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