I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
