How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
