someone get that fucking seahorse.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
