well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
