I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
