Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
