I looked at my own cervix.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
