I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
