Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
