She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
