THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
